kesendirian.....sendiri...sendiri lagi....ya memang begitu
Aku terus merenungi tiap kali aku mencoba mendefinisikan. sendiri yang seperti apa? tidak mempunyai pasangan, atau tidak seorang pun yang peduli? terkadang aku susah untuk mendefinisikan...
Apapun itu, aku tetap optimis aku tidak sendiri. Mungkin karena tidak punya pasangan...ahhh tapi yasudah belum waktunya saja. Kesendirian kali ini yang aku maksud yaitu kesendirian terkait pada memiliki pasangan. I was having someone special couple months ago and we made it for about 1,5 years. I thought he will be the last, but it wasn't. Ku pegang janjinya saat ia mengatakan 'don't fault me if i can't find someone besides you', but what's in fact? bull shitt...
bukannya aku cemburu tapi begitukah laki-laki yang lemah? mengenal wanita saja dan kelihatan memberi semangat langsung jatuh hati? ya...hal ini sebenarnya juga dialami oleh wanita, tetapi wanita lebih logis dan berfikir ulang untuk paling tidak berhenti sejena untuk merenung. Kesendirian kali ini tak ada bedanya dengan yang lalu-lalu. tapi that's life. Life must go on with and without....
Merenungi kesendirian aku kali ini yaitu bagaimana memulihkan krisis kepercayaaanku pada kaun adam yang tak jera-jera menyakiti. Ujung-ujungnya sakit lagi...males jadinya...padahal sudah aku tekan harapan supaya tak melambung tinggi. tapi tetap saja sakit diujung. So what's the different?
Should i hate? males juga mengotori hati...jadi hanya bisa berpasrah daan berdoa supaya aku menemukan sesorang yang jauh lebih baik, dapat menjadi imamku dan tentunya dapat menjadi ayah yg baik bagi anak2 ku.
Sudahlah tak ada habis-habisnya merenungi kesendirian. kesendirian hanya masalah waktu. Ingat masih ada keluarga, teman dan sahabat disamping kita. bagi kalian yang jomblo, it's not a big deal, (yuuk saling menguatkan)...Insha Allah you'll find the way....
Sabtu, 17 September 2011
Jumat, 16 September 2011
chickenpox, beautiful name of disease, but so annoying
Pertamanya aku tidak merasakan hal-hal aneh seputar keadaan fisikku. Aku hanya mengira aku kecapean sehingga badanku drop...as usual. Tapi 2 hari yang lalu ketika kutemui satu keanehan dalam fisikku yaitu muncul bulatan-bulatan dengan isi air dan sangat gatal membuatku harus menemui dokter yang lebih canggih daripada yang ada di puskesmas kapan hari.
Yes. ..dokter memfonis ku terkena cacar air...ah rasanya kurang bagus istilah bahasa Indonesia, jadi aku memakai istilah chickenpox saja dalam bahasa Inggris. Bagus bukan namanya? tapi penyakit ini tak sebagus namanya sama dengan nama-nama badai nan indah namun mengerikan.
Dibilang mengerikan iya karena akan tumbuh bulatan-bulatan kecil di seluruh kujur tubuh yang membuat diri kita terlihat jelek. Aku pun tak ingin terus berkaca ketika cacar itu tumbuh diseluruh muka dan tubuhku. Aku biarkan kau tumbuh kemudian aku akan menghancurkanmu dengan obat terbaik dari dokter langgananku.
Aku cukup puas dengan kinerja obat yang harganya selangit ini. Entah terbuat dari apa obat tersebut, yang pasti aku mendapat progress yang cepat. Kembali lagi ke chickenpox....sepertinya memang aku belum pernah sakit ini yang notabene kata orang-orang yaitu penyakit anak-anak. Tapi yasudah namanya juga sakit. Konon kata orang tua penyakit ini hanya terjangkiti sekali seumur hidup. barang siapa yang sudah pernah mengalami sakit ini akan kebal, walaupun aku tahu tidak tahu kebenarannya..at least itu sedikit membesarkan hatiku.
Tapi yasudahlah ada sehat n ada sakit. Itulah dunia selalu diisi dengan binary oposition..tapi aku tetap bersyukur dengan sakitku berarti Allah masih menyanyangiku untuk memperingatkanku lebih menjaga kesehatan.
Yes. ..dokter memfonis ku terkena cacar air...ah rasanya kurang bagus istilah bahasa Indonesia, jadi aku memakai istilah chickenpox saja dalam bahasa Inggris. Bagus bukan namanya? tapi penyakit ini tak sebagus namanya sama dengan nama-nama badai nan indah namun mengerikan.
Dibilang mengerikan iya karena akan tumbuh bulatan-bulatan kecil di seluruh kujur tubuh yang membuat diri kita terlihat jelek. Aku pun tak ingin terus berkaca ketika cacar itu tumbuh diseluruh muka dan tubuhku. Aku biarkan kau tumbuh kemudian aku akan menghancurkanmu dengan obat terbaik dari dokter langgananku.
Aku cukup puas dengan kinerja obat yang harganya selangit ini. Entah terbuat dari apa obat tersebut, yang pasti aku mendapat progress yang cepat. Kembali lagi ke chickenpox....sepertinya memang aku belum pernah sakit ini yang notabene kata orang-orang yaitu penyakit anak-anak. Tapi yasudah namanya juga sakit. Konon kata orang tua penyakit ini hanya terjangkiti sekali seumur hidup. barang siapa yang sudah pernah mengalami sakit ini akan kebal, walaupun aku tahu tidak tahu kebenarannya..at least itu sedikit membesarkan hatiku.
Tapi yasudahlah ada sehat n ada sakit. Itulah dunia selalu diisi dengan binary oposition..tapi aku tetap bersyukur dengan sakitku berarti Allah masih menyanyangiku untuk memperingatkanku lebih menjaga kesehatan.
Minggu, 11 September 2011
what's wrong with me?
Andai aku bisa melihat sekaligus menjawab apa yang sebenarnya terjadi pada diri dan dalamku. Aku akan dengan mudah menganalisa dan mendepaknya. Kesal tentu saja karena aku tidak tahu apa yang terjadi. Tiba-tiba sebuah rasa yang aku sendiri tidak bisa mendefinisikannya menyerang seperti penyakit akut.
Namun apapun itu, aku ingin membentenginya karena dulu keputusan telah aku ambil. Hanya satu yang saat ini dan seterusnya bisa aku lakukan yaitu semoga kalau memang jalan ini jalanku dan takdirku, aku bisa merengkuhnya kembali. Aku terus menerus merenungi diriku sendiri dan kerapuhan diatas kekuatanku. Apakah aku cukup kuat kali ini? atau apakah aku cukup rapuh untuk dalam sekejap mata jatuh tersungkur karena apa yang pernah aku putuskan?
Tentunya aku siap karena jikalau demikian memang beginilah hidup yang tak dapat didefinisikan. Satu jam, satu menit bahkan satu detik dapat berubah-ubah. Sebuah perenungan yang besar dan aku harap ada titik temu setelah aku renungkan. Yang pasti ketika memori itu, apapun itu terekam dan kembali 'menghantui' otakku aku tersungkur, namun aku harus bangkit...karena tersungkur bukan aku.
My Lord...rasa cinta, benci, rindu berasal dari Engkau. Satu keyakinanku bahwa itu semua akan membawa kebaikan. I am what i am today dan tetap Me, my steps akan terus berlanjut hingga ku menutup mata... and i keep writing because one day i will show it to my generation that i have steps in my life which are not always good and on the track.....
Namun apapun itu, aku ingin membentenginya karena dulu keputusan telah aku ambil. Hanya satu yang saat ini dan seterusnya bisa aku lakukan yaitu semoga kalau memang jalan ini jalanku dan takdirku, aku bisa merengkuhnya kembali. Aku terus menerus merenungi diriku sendiri dan kerapuhan diatas kekuatanku. Apakah aku cukup kuat kali ini? atau apakah aku cukup rapuh untuk dalam sekejap mata jatuh tersungkur karena apa yang pernah aku putuskan?
Tentunya aku siap karena jikalau demikian memang beginilah hidup yang tak dapat didefinisikan. Satu jam, satu menit bahkan satu detik dapat berubah-ubah. Sebuah perenungan yang besar dan aku harap ada titik temu setelah aku renungkan. Yang pasti ketika memori itu, apapun itu terekam dan kembali 'menghantui' otakku aku tersungkur, namun aku harus bangkit...karena tersungkur bukan aku.
My Lord...rasa cinta, benci, rindu berasal dari Engkau. Satu keyakinanku bahwa itu semua akan membawa kebaikan. I am what i am today dan tetap Me, my steps akan terus berlanjut hingga ku menutup mata... and i keep writing because one day i will show it to my generation that i have steps in my life which are not always good and on the track.....
Senin, 15 Agustus 2011
Why should i hear thee?
As that voice comes i suppose
i shimmer and blossom with his words
I'm in the air of joy...temptation and orgasm
I could not stop to think about thee, thou words spinning around my mind
My Lord...why should i hear thee? i won't
it's freezing..killing me slowly til i can diverge my path
This path to become a boulevard..wide and clear
That bliss ends as i far walking away and you left me more..more far away.
What goes wrong with this heart? what goes wrong with thee
No..not me if i have to 'die' in the name of love. No..not me...
i shimmer and blossom with his words
I'm in the air of joy...temptation and orgasm
I could not stop to think about thee, thou words spinning around my mind
My Lord...why should i hear thee? i won't
it's freezing..killing me slowly til i can diverge my path
This path to become a boulevard..wide and clear
That bliss ends as i far walking away and you left me more..more far away.
What goes wrong with this heart? what goes wrong with thee
No..not me if i have to 'die' in the name of love. No..not me...
Kamis, 31 Maret 2011
day of destruction
Today, i had a toefl test. Yeah...i'm sure that i can do test well, but guess what!! there was a workman doing his jobs. You know what i felt? it's totally damn!! so damn!!! i haven't get a good result! hiks....i really hate them.....hate where the voice comes....it really disturbing me...seriously i'm angry....
what i will do next is test again...again n again....huffffffttttt....
what i will do next is test again...again n again....huffffffttttt....
Rabu, 30 Maret 2011
If my times has come
sometimes fall is never forever fall
winter is never all day long winter
There will be summer, bright...
Human never know when it turns to dark, grey and bright right now
Though it's snow, there still a possibility to sun or even thoroughly fire
I learn how my path never be such a boulevard
But i once testify step on a boulevard
Is there any chances for me once again?
If my time has come, there will be two; death and bound
that's my phase...
All that still far fade away, but death yes comes closer
Wrinkle will soon applied, fragile bone will be part of me, no compromises
My Lord i never ever can figure out of these
shall i not hide, but i want YOU to show me until leaves fall down yellow
If this is my way i will run through all over winter and pass snow
If it is gonna be him, let it one like the sea, where nothing except the blue of water
If my times has come, i know enough to keep or
i know enough to hate?
From the deepest pool i will climb if it is my Fate....
winter is never all day long winter
There will be summer, bright...
Human never know when it turns to dark, grey and bright right now
Though it's snow, there still a possibility to sun or even thoroughly fire
I learn how my path never be such a boulevard
But i once testify step on a boulevard
Is there any chances for me once again?
If my time has come, there will be two; death and bound
that's my phase...
All that still far fade away, but death yes comes closer
Wrinkle will soon applied, fragile bone will be part of me, no compromises
My Lord i never ever can figure out of these
shall i not hide, but i want YOU to show me until leaves fall down yellow
If this is my way i will run through all over winter and pass snow
If it is gonna be him, let it one like the sea, where nothing except the blue of water
If my times has come, i know enough to keep or
i know enough to hate?
From the deepest pool i will climb if it is my Fate....
Senin, 21 Februari 2011
Tips for Success Online dating
When you decided searching for couple online is that you must be careful. Spo the first thing you have to do is be honest. In every online dating site, you will be asked to fill your own profile. Mention it correctly and honest. Everybody hates lies. If your gegin something with untrue facts, you will also get the pay back that you will not find the truth.As you know that playing anything through internet is possible to do thing wrong, but everything has its pay back. Don't be lie, so that you won't bfind lies too.
As usual, in every profile page, you will be asked to fill your interest. It is advised that you have to show that you your own interest and elaborate that you are really interested in it. If you don't have any interest, you can find activities you usually do in your spare time. It is also mentioned along with your hobby. Everybody has hobby, isn't it? But, if you don't have you have to have it. There are many hobbies such as travelling, physical activities, studying, viewing movies etc. Firthermore, you must put something good in your profile without lying. So that other people who see it is eager to know deeper about you.
Another thing to do is be ordinary you. In online dating you will meet truly someone whom you never see before. Sometimes, you will act like someone else who you think is a 'perfect' example. Actually, you don't have to be like that. Talk with your own style and don't ever immitate someone else. It won't be good. For women, realize that men like women who just perform their ordaninary because they think women who act ordinary to be herself is a natural women. So, being your self is much better then being someone else to get perfection. Remember, no body's perfect.
The last thing you have to do is insert good photos in your profile. Photo is a direct thing that people see when opening your page. If you put good, attractive and taken from different occasions at least you can impress people who open it. Don't try to picture somebody who is more handsome or beautiful, it means you are lying. It won't be good for further process.
As usual, in every profile page, you will be asked to fill your interest. It is advised that you have to show that you your own interest and elaborate that you are really interested in it. If you don't have any interest, you can find activities you usually do in your spare time. It is also mentioned along with your hobby. Everybody has hobby, isn't it? But, if you don't have you have to have it. There are many hobbies such as travelling, physical activities, studying, viewing movies etc. Firthermore, you must put something good in your profile without lying. So that other people who see it is eager to know deeper about you.
Another thing to do is be ordinary you. In online dating you will meet truly someone whom you never see before. Sometimes, you will act like someone else who you think is a 'perfect' example. Actually, you don't have to be like that. Talk with your own style and don't ever immitate someone else. It won't be good. For women, realize that men like women who just perform their ordaninary because they think women who act ordinary to be herself is a natural women. So, being your self is much better then being someone else to get perfection. Remember, no body's perfect.
The last thing you have to do is insert good photos in your profile. Photo is a direct thing that people see when opening your page. If you put good, attractive and taken from different occasions at least you can impress people who open it. Don't try to picture somebody who is more handsome or beautiful, it means you are lying. It won't be good for further process.
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